“Once upon a time..stories were real and dreams came true…”

I can’t help but be angry with a girl back in my college who asked me, “Why are you always smiling? What is there in your life that makes you so happy?”

I sure believe she jinxed my life.

I was surely a happy go lucky person couple of years back. I knew no worries. I was in love with myself and my world of possibilities. Well what am I now? I am still lucky, now its just perennially-grumpy and sad – go lucky person.

What makes me more sad is that inspite of everything being great and knowing that I am lucky, I am stubborn on being sad. Why can’t I be grateful and happy?

I guess I just miss being a kid. I miss my innocence. I am hating every bit of my 20s.

I woke up this morning feeling good. Enthusiastic and relatively energetic. I had an exciting morning at work, my co-workers complimented my dress, my husband sent a “love you” text message and yet I do have reasons to stay grumpy. I see my self becoming a quintessential whiner.

It began like this: One day, I was grumpy, The next day, I was grumpy about still being grumpy. And next, I got grumpier knowing I am adamant on being grumpy. And now, I feel sad and grumpy that I am not doing anything about it.  Honestly, I feel stuck in this vicious cycle.

The profound part of my head thinks that I am about to embark on a philosophical journey -  searching for inner peace…like Gautama Buddha. Feeling frustrated with life in spite of enjoying the comforts of life. The scientific part of my brain thinks that it might be my estrogen going haywire. The practical part of my brain thinks that I have just gone nuts and that I should move on and stop being a mope.

I hope today is the last day of my internal struggle.  Do I ever have to fight with myself again? I hope not.